


Drying Tears

by BAMFGirl



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Bottom Steve Rogers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Regret, Smut, Top Thor (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-03 23:12:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BAMFGirl/pseuds/BAMFGirl
Summary: Thor grieves his brother's loss. Steve Rogers grieves Bucky's loss. Thor goes to comfort him. Things get hot.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Infinity War!

The silence was the worst.

After it had happened, there had been fighting and raging and failing and denial and talking. A mission that had overshadowed everything. Even grief. Even the biggest loss of his life.

And now it was over. They had lost the battle.

The noise and then the talking had been superseded by silence and the armour around his heart had been vanished and now Thor was facing a pain he had not known existed.

Nothing was left for him.

The God of Thunder an empty, defeated man.

Perhaps there would be a way for them to undo the final victory of Thanos. Stephen Strange had acted on the only possibility he had seen, sacrificing himself and half of the entire  population, convinced that they could beat him in the end. Tony Stark had to be the key.

They had sat together, talking about it, for hours, the day after. He and Rogers. Had put the pieces of the puzzle together, or they had tried, with the information they had gained by Stark when he had returned to Earth.

At this point his heart had felt numb.

Now it was bleeding.

He had lost it all. His mother, his father; the sister he had never heard about had turned out to be evil, and she was dead, too.

And now Loki.

Loki.

Lying on his bed in the generous room in Wakanda's palace, staring at the ceiling, his brother seemed to float over him.

The green eyes, formerly so full of smirk and life, half open and milky. His face pale, shallow, dead.

And when Thor closed his eyes, he saw images of the lively, cheeky, mischievous Loki – as a child and as a young man. His brother, his heart, his everything.

And he had never told him. Not that he thought that Loki had not known that he loved him, and he knew Loki had loved him, too, no matter how jealous he had been of him or how much he had resented him being the golden son for Odin.

After all that had happened between them, they had finally started to grow together again.

And now he was gone, and all that was left for Thor was grief and pain and above all the burning wish to turn back time and tell Loki how much he had really meant to him.

He would regret until the day he died that he had not tried to take the chance. Even if Loki had responded with mockery and rejection, he wouldn’t have to ask himself forever now: _what if I hadn’t been such a bloody coward…_

Too late. Forever too late.

He felt tears dribbling down his face. They brought him no relief. He cried silently, and the tears seemed to burn into his skin like acid.

In the silence of his room, Thor suddenly heard a noise. It was quiet but hard to mistaken.

Somebody else was crying, too, loudly and desperately. And on this floor, there was only one other person.

He waited. Five minutes, ten minutes, but the crying didn't stop.

And finally he got up and left his room after putting on his trousers.

He had no idea how to spend him comfort. He who was feeling as if Thanos had ripped his heart out and eaten it right in front of him.

But he was quite sure Steve Rogers was feeling exactly the same way.

XXX

He knocked at the door and the sobbing stopped. “Yes?” a weak voice asked, and Thor opened the door.

“May I come in?” he asked, his voice raspy from his own grief.

"I... Yes..." Steve Rogers sounded more than a bit embarrassed. Captain America, powerful defender of right and people, caught sobbing like a child. His big eyes were swollen and red, and the almost feminine black lashes sticky from the tears he had shed. He was clearly not feeling comfortable with Thor having him caught like this, and still he made space for Thor on the bed, and after a few seconds of hesitation, Thor lay down next to him. The bed wasn't small, but both of them had exceptionally broad shoulders and they inevitably touched. Steve's upper body was as uncovered as Thor's, and touching his warm, slightly sweaty skin was not entirely unpleasant.

Thor had always fought the feelings men woke in him. Especially one man. But they had always been there, and no encounter with the fairer sex had made them disappear.

This was not why he was here now though. But he didn't find any words in him. What was there to say anyway?

Steve had stopped crying and for a long while nobody said a word.

"We might bring him back," Thor finally said. "They are not gone forever, I can feel it. They have moved over to another dimension." _While Loki is lost for good..._

"I saw him dying. Again. And again he died with my name on his lips."

"He didn't die for real the first time though."

"No. He came back, being an enemy, then became my friend again. And I still didn't dare..." Steve broke off and Thor could hear the hopelessness in his voice.

"I see. But perhaps you'll get another chance." _Unlike me..._

"And I still couldn't tell Bucky!" Steve cried out. "I never could! He would be disgusted..."

"No. I'm sure he wouldn't. Your name on his lips, you said it yourself."

"Yes but... Not like that. Or..."

"I can't tell. You know him way better.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway. He's dead.”

“Stephen Strange had a plan, you know that.” Tony had told them.

“But he's turned to ash as well! What sort of plan should that be? Oh, my Bucky…”

He started to cry again and Thor, knowing no words could truly reach him, let alone comfort him, put one large arm around the beefy shoulders of the man, pulling him close.

Steve only hesitated for a moment before he buried his wet face against Thor's neck, his teeth gracing over his skin when he went on sobbing.

To Thor's dismay, his body reacted to the unfamiliar touch of male skin on his, of stubble against his throat, of the immense muscles in the Captain's arm that now wrapped around his waist when he clung to him, searching for comfort, nothing more.

“I'm sorry,” Steve finally mumbled.

“Don't be. I understand you very well,” Thor said, his voice sounding bitter and hopeless to his own ears.

Steve's eyes were red and swollen but they looked at him clearer now. “It must be so hard for you. Losing your brother.”

Thor winced. “Yes,” he mumbled. “My brother…”

He must have stressed the last word awkwardly because Steve looked confused and then shocked.

“He's not… my real brother; he's adopted as you know,” Thor hurried to add, knowing that it didn’t make any difference. If Loki and he had shared the same genes, he would have wanted him the same way; he just knew that.

And Steve seemed to look through the excuse but instead of turning away with disgust, he nodded and then surprised Thor with touching his face. “We don't choose whom we love,” he said, and the understanding in his voice made Thor's own tears flow once more. He was so fed up with it. But he gave into the tears, knowing that he couldn’t stop them from coming anyway.

He winced when Steve wiped a tissue over his face. He looked up to him and saw that the other Avenger had cleaned up his snotty face as well.

For a long moment their gazes bored into each other. Thor had never really realized how beautiful the Captain's eyes were. And what kind of thought was that now?

But then, as if it was totally natural, both of them moved their heads towards each other and then Thor's lips found the soft, full lips of the other man, and it was as if everything else turned numb. He kissed a man for the first time in his life and a part of him cried _you can't do that, you're grieving!_ but another part said _and so is he, and right now, it is the right thing to do._

He stopped to search Steve's eyes, and after a moment, Steve nodded and a smile ghosted over his lips, and then they kissed again.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve had felt horrified when Thor had walked in, seeing him like this – a pathetic, heartbroken man, sobbing like a child, not only about Bucky but of course also about Sam and the world as it was now.

He was Captain America – Mister Heroic, Brave And Untouchable.

But all he'd been feeling like since their confrontation with Thanos was Mister Regret, Pain And Inconsolable.

He had loved Bucky forever. Long before he had turned into a superhero his heart had beaten for his best friend; at first he had been denying it to himself but eventually he'd had to accept it. He had known of course that it could never be. Not only because in this time and day a homosexual relationship would have caused a scandal with everybody they knew and society itself but because Bucky had been a lady's man, always surrounded by admiring chicks. There had been rare moments though when Steve had thought that he might feel like he did. A too-long look, a shy smile, a touch that lingered too long. But these moments had always gone by within seconds and afterwards Steve had not trusted his own judgement anymore, and he had never said anything.

And then he had lost Bucky and then fought him and then gotten him back, and they had been close again. But Bucky had come back a changed man; and when he had ceased to be the Winter Soldier he had still been, and so was Steve after growing into his Captain America persona. What had not changed was the way Steve felt about Bucky, but there had been no way Steve could have told him.

Perhaps Thor and Tony were right and there was hope to get them all back – and Steve knew that Tony was exactly as heartbroken over Peter Parker's loss as he and Thor were about their own and that he suffered from the same problem – but even if it happened, Steve wouldn’t be able to share his feelings with Bucky.

He had felt so hopeless and desperate, and now he was kissing Thor, the God with the most impressive muscles he had ever seen. The man who grieved a brother he had felt the same for as Steve felt for Bucky, and it should appal him and yet it didn’t. Who of all people was he to judge Thor's feelings? He didn’t – love was love.

Loki wouldn’t come back. Thor knew it and Steve knew it, and he could only imagine the pain in Thor's heart, knowing this loss would never be undone.

Thor had come to spend him comfort, and it had ended with this – kissing, their bodies pressed together, and Steve could feel Thor's huge erection pressing into his groin, and his own penis was hard as well.

Was it a betrayal on Bucky and Loki?

No.

Loki was gone forever and Bucky, even if he ever returned, would never be Steve's lover. It broke his heart but he had never been a man to have his head in the clouds. He had always been honest to himself, and he knew he desired Thor, and the other man's reaction to him told him that it was mutual, and really – it was the best he could get now.

Steve had accepted his sexuality over the past years – not telling anybody about it but coming to terms with it himself after trying to be with women and failing on doing it. He had no idea what the other Avengers or the public would think about a homosexual Captain America, but sod it – after all that had happened, he really didn’t care anymore. Half the world was gone and people should really have other problems than this.

Of course he knew that what was happening right now was comfort and not the beginning of a love affair. But then – who really knew? It would take a lot of time for his heart to heal and these tears wouldn’t be the last he would shed but he had never given up and he wouldn’t start doing it now.

Being very aware of the breathing, warm, massive body under his own, he crawled on top of Thor, enjoying the tight embrace of arms even bigger than his own, and he put his hand on the broad chest, feeling Thor's heart hammer under his palm.

No word was spoken because really – what was there to say?

He couldn’t have talked now anyway as he was simply overwhelmed by his first time being with someone. Thor wasn’t in the same position; his kisses proved that he had done that many times before, but the way he finally grabbed Steve's cock in a careful, probing way showed him that he hadn’t been with a man either before.

Steve moaned when the large hand closed around his achingly hard appendage, and his own hand eagerly searched for Thor's cock, stroking it through the man's trousers.

Then he pulled back and smiled at Thor when the man gave him a questioning look. He didn’t say anything but removed his remaining clothing, and Thor nodded and did the same while still lying on the bed.

Their kissing was more frantic when their lips met again and Thor's hands seemed to be everywhere while Steve's were exploring the large body, tracing scars and kissing a stiff nipple, then kissed his way down the impressively sculpted stomach until he let his tongue swirl in Thor's navel while his hand was firmly moving up and down the firm, hot flesh that was leaking fluid constantly.

He could feel the other man's hand knead his shoulders and massage his neck, and finally Thor urged him to come up to him so they could kiss again.

They kissed for several minutes, getting more comfortable with it and each other, while Steve was still masturbating the large dick while rubbing his own against Thor's thigh, and then Steve moaned when Thor's fingers found his crack and one of them started circling his hole.

“I need to be inside you,” Thor whispered, and Steve shuddered. He had never thought that far.

But then – this wasn't a fight for dominance between two Alpha males. They definitely were but this was not what this was about.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “I want that.” _It should have been Bucky… But he's not here._

“I will be gentle,” Thor assured him in a raspy voice.

And Steve knew he would be.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor had never been that aroused in his whole life, and he got sadly aware that he had really been lying to himself for way too long, declining what he really was – a man who loved men. All his affairs with women, even with Jane, seemed stale in retrospect. He had forgotten her so quickly after they had split up, and now he knew why. Now that his lips and hands were brushing over a bearded face, a body like steal, his fingers pressing and probing hard muscles, male nipples and eventually, another man's dick.

He would have expected that he would imagine doing all this to Loki, but his slim, etheric brother and the buff Steve were so different in their physics that even though he felt like he was betraying his love for Loki, he was aware that it wasn't him whom he was caressing the entire time.

When he had put a few pillows under Steve's deliciously shaped butt to have better access, he saw nothing but trust in the other man's eyes.

Thor knew he couldn’t enter him like he had done with women; he needed to prepare him for his massive member. So he carefully worked a spit-wet finger into him, and then two, and he used more saliva to wet his hole before he finally pushed against it with the wide head of his cock.

Steve grimaced and Thor was afraid he would have to stop, but the Captain shook his head. “No, go on. Make me feel it.”

Feel what? Pain? Was Steve using him to punish himself for being alive while the man he loved wasn't?

But Steve seemed to read his thoughts. “Need you now, big guy. Make me feel alive.”

Thor stroked over his hair in a gesture that was as tender as it could get, and then he slowly sank into the other man, his own pre-seminal fluid easing the way, but he knew he was hurting Steve.

But what was this pain compared to his loss? To both of their losses?

He lowered his body on Steve's, very carefully starting to thrust into him, and he buried his face in Steve's short hair, his groin on fire, his nerves vibrating. The Captain's hands were sliding over his back, grabbing his buttocks or messing up his hair, and he was moaning under him, his thick, hard dick caught between their bodies.

Thor didn’t fight his arousal, knowing he had to make it swift so he wouldn’t damage the man he was taking more than he already did, and when he felt his orgasm come, he squeezed him tight, kissed his lips and then he released himself into the tightest heat he had ever been in. While he was still shuddering through his climax, his hand found Steve's cock and he pumped it roughly, and Steve moaned loudly when he came on his muscular stomach in thick spurts, and Thor wasn't surprised to see new tears running down his cheeks while he still came, and as soon as the Captain's dick started to soften in his grip, Thor pulled him as close as he could, whispering soothing words, while reality fully claimed his conscience back as well.

Feeling too spent and too sore for more tears, he was holding the handsome man in his arms until he stopped crying and slumped down on him like a heavy, boneless weight.

Again they were silent, and Thor felt the sleep finally coming to claim him. In this almost dozing state, he saw Loki appear again, smiling at him this time, nodding as if he was approving.

He knew it was just his imagination but he almost reached out with his hand for it.

“Stay with me,” Steve mumbled, and the image disappeared.

“Yes, if you want me to.”

“Thank you.”

“I know I hurt you. We would have needed something to make it go smoother.”

“It was… very special. I… would like to do it again.”

“No regrets?”

Steve lifted his head and looked at him. “No. I don’t know what will happen but I'll never regret it.”

“Good.” Thor knew Steve would never stop craving for his friend that he had known almost as long as Thor had known Loki, and when they could make it undone and Bucky would return, Thor would encourage Steve to talk to him.

Because he knew he would never be able to do the same with Loki, and he knew he would give everything to have this chance and he wouldn’t let Steve pass his own.

And he winced when a big thumb wiped over is chin. He hadn't even realized he was crying again.

 

The End

 


End file.
